Hopefully you can relate

I want to talk about unseen unkindnesses. They can burn even more than deliberate ones. When I was about ten, I was at orchestra club at our school one evening. I played a certain instrument, and two other girls played the same one. One girl was one year younger than me, let’s call her Rachel and the other girl was one year younger than her, let’s call her Becky. Rachel had recently ‘graduated’ to a harder instrument, leaving just us two. At some point in the rehearsal, the music teacher came up to where we were sitting, smiled, and said to Becky something along the lines of ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be your turn next.’

No doubt she didn’t mean to, but I was left feeling totally worthless. By saying this in front of me, she was basically saying that I had no hope of being next, or getting to where Rachel had got to at all, which particularly stung because I was the oldest. Even worse, did she say it in front of me without thinking or did she say it in front of me because she assumed I knew I didn’t have any hope of improving, in which case I wouldn’t be bothered? 

Whatever way, it has always stuck with me. I felt so alone. 

I wish people would think more about what they say. For example, someone asking the teacher if they can sit next to their friends instead, oblivious to the feelings of the person they’ve left behind.

Anyway, hopefully you can relate.

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